With the Sharks inconsistency* this season, many Sharks fans are probably wondering what the fuck is going on with the Sharks. Well, thanks to my inside sources, I have been able to piece together what goes on during a Sharks game.
Sharks Locker Room, 2nd intermission:
TMAC: So...... um....... anytime now would be a good time to start scoring.
Jumbo Joe: I think we should wait a tiny bit longer.
Pavs: Maybe we should consult Diamondback?
TMAC: Good idea.
Diamondback: Hey, um, so anytime now, maybe........perhaps?
TMAC: Well, we wanted to see how the other Sharks fans are doing.
Ddbk: Welllllll, Meg is in the corner crying to himself, Spade isn't helping, he has the Ducks cup run on a loop, so its just making it worse.
Heater: That Bastard!!!
Boyle: Typical Ducks fan scum!
Ddbk: Neil Young is now trying to Owner of a Lonely Heart while trying to drink his sorrows away, Ang looks like she is about to go on a shooting spree, I've taken her kids to a safe distance. Dunno is trying to murder a Wings fan with a fork. Gray is off in the corner mumbling something about Cylons and betrayal, I can't even get through to her. Skillet is well.... is........um............dealing with um........ let's just say police matters, Ivano is cursing and screaming in Russian, something about the curse of Nabokov. TCY and Zero are just staring off into space. Mymcliffe is starting to torture her roomates, and Evilducks issss................ trying to Cthulu. Yeah.
Murray: What about Plank?
Ddbk: I don't know, I-
Plank: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!?!?!?! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!! YOU GUYS ARE SHITTIER THEN WHEN MARLEAU ACCIDENTALLY ENDED UP ON A DATING SHOW!!!!!!!! I AM TIRED OF THIS SHIT!!!! I MEAN FUCKBITCHCUNT!!!!!! DAMN IT ASSHOLEFICKINBITCHBALONEYSEXSMITHCHIENNEDWBFIAWSLJDFB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plank: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hangs up)
Ddbk: Yeah, so I don't know how Plank is doing right now.
Demers: I think we should let in one more goal, then tie it in under 4 minutes, then let it go to a shootout.
TMAC: Oooooh, boldness from the rookie, I like.
Ddbk: sigh, I wish you guys would stop doing this. What happens if you fail and lose like before.
Boyle: Please bitch I'm Dan "fuckin" Boyle.
Heater: I'm Dany Fucking Heatley!
Murray: I WILL SMASH THEM TO SMITHERINS!!!!!!
Couture: I'm the Cootch!
Pavs: I am G.I. Joe, The Big Pavelski, A Real American Hero!
Clowe: Why do you get so many nicknames?
Pavs: Because one nickname is not enough to contain all my awesomeness.
Ddbk: Well just hurry it up, Spade, Rudy, and Earl are being jerks and laughing their asses of while traumitizing Ang's kids with pictures of Ducks raping Sharks from a couple years ago......... And....and I don't even want to know what Earl is doing to that Shark Doll.
CptnAwkd: (giggles some more)
TMAC: Don't worry, nothing we can't handle.
All goes according to plan until.....
Announcer: Briere SHOOTS!!!!!!! (The puck is just about to cross the line when.........)
Meanwhile in Mother Russia: At Nabby's house, Nabby: NIET!!!
Announcer: HE SCORES JUST AS TIME EXPIRES!!!!!!!!!!
Announcer: Well its under review now. And it's no goal!!! Yep, good call, the puck mysteriously seems to lose speed right before it crosses the line, laws of physics be damned I guess.
(Nabokov smiles) I've still got it.
During the Shootout.......
Clowe: I'm going to do something new this time, I am going to deke, then go back hand top shelf! He'll never see it coming!
Pavs:.........um...that's what you always do. Seriously, it's not going to work, I mean-
Clowe: Hold that thought for a sec.
15 seconds later
Clowe: You were saying?
Pavs: One of these days a goalie is going to actually watch video of you and you will be screwed.
in the locker room...
TMAC: So how many did we get?
Ddbk: A new record, a 117 Sharks fans suffered minor heart attacks. Why do you do this again?
TMAC: Because we care, this enriches the experience and makes games more memorable for our beloved fans. plus it crushes the hearts of Ducks fans after getting their hopes up.
*The word inconsistency is a paradox because it means consistently being not consistent.