Adventures in Columnar Stupidity: Huxtable Sweater Edition

Same to you, pal

Why didn't I know that Ray Ratto has a blog called ...And The Horse You Rode In On? Well, call me enlightened, and weep for me because I read his latest entry on the Sharks. ATHYRIO's description is:

Sporting Green columnist Ray Ratto posts his latest barbs on the ugly beauty of pro and college sports.

Sure! Check out this ugly, yet beautiful (not beautiful) barb:

But the acquisition of the veteran defenseman [Niclas Wallin] doesn't make the Sharks the best they can realistically be for the stretch drive and the postseason because, as a largely stay-at-home defenseman who doesn't figure to make much of a scoring dent, there's only so much he can do to affect the Fins in their elusive chase for the second, let alone third or fourth rounds of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Ya burnt, Niclas, Ratto style!

As usual, Ray's "who gives a fuck?" attitude towards the specifics of hockey comes right to the forefront. Yeah, stupid defensive d-men who don't affect playoff hockey games! They don't score, so what good are they?

Also, with the exception of last year, the second round of the playoffs have not been an elusive thing for recent Sharks teams. Getting beyond the second round has been, though.

The rest of the post basically about how Ryan Clowe and Devin Setoguchi might be moved, and includes a weird swipe at Marc-Edouard Vlasic, suggesting that, because Vlasic isn't a physically punishing defenseman, he might be moved because Doug Wilson really likes Jason Demers. Yes, he's talking about the young, smooth-skating offense-first Jason Demers that's been bouncing between Worcester and San Jose. And yup, he apparently forgot about Wallin already.

I know that Ratto comes from the old school of general sports columnists, where the criteria for getting the jobs is, "who can most resemble your least favorite uncle after a few too many Natty Lights, yelling about sports? Ok, can you write that down?" The problem is, nowadays, the "guy who likes sports" angle is nothing special. That's like saying you like movies, or food. Do you have any special knowledge or insight about hockey? In Ratto's case, the answer to that is WHOOPS! Just take a gander at the Sharks Post Game Live shows for which he provides analysis screen time if you want proof.

But yeah, anyway, the beautiful, ugly world of pro sports! "Go fuck yourself" is what I want people to think of when they read my blog! Why do I have a job!?

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