Adventures in Columnar Stupidity: Huxtable Sweater Edition
by ievans on Feb 9, 2010 12:37 PM PST
Email
PrintSame to you, pal
Why didn't I know that Ray Ratto has a blog called ...And The Horse You Rode In On? Well, call me enlightened, and weep for me because I read his latest entry on the Sharks. ATHYRIO's description is:
Sporting Green columnist Ray Ratto posts his latest barbs on the ugly beauty of pro and college sports.
Sure! Check out this ugly, yet beautiful (not beautiful) barb:
But the acquisition of the veteran defenseman [Niclas Wallin] doesn't make the Sharks the best they can realistically be for the stretch drive and the postseason because, as a largely stay-at-home defenseman who doesn't figure to make much of a scoring dent, there's only so much he can do to affect the Fins in their elusive chase for the second, let alone third or fourth rounds of the Stanley Cup playoffs.
Ya burnt, Niclas, Ratto style!
As usual, Ray's "who gives a fuck?" attitude towards the specifics of hockey comes right to the forefront. Yeah, stupid defensive d-men who don't affect playoff hockey games! They don't score, so what good are they?
Also, with the exception of last year, the second round of the playoffs have not been an elusive thing for recent Sharks teams. Getting beyond the second round has been, though.
The rest of the post basically about how Ryan Clowe and Devin Setoguchi might be moved, and includes a weird swipe at Marc-Edouard Vlasic, suggesting that, because Vlasic isn't a physically punishing defenseman, he might be moved because Doug Wilson really likes Jason Demers. Yes, he's talking about the young, smooth-skating offense-first Jason Demers that's been bouncing between Worcester and San Jose. And yup, he apparently forgot about Wallin already.
I know that Ratto comes from the old school of general sports columnists, where the criteria for getting the jobs is, "who can most resemble your least favorite uncle after a few too many Natty Lights, yelling about sports? Ok, can you write that down?" The problem is, nowadays, the "guy who likes sports" angle is nothing special. That's like saying you like movies, or food. Do you have any special knowledge or insight about hockey? In Ratto's case, the answer to that is WHOOPS! Just take a gander at the Sharks Post Game Live shows for which he provides analysis screen time if you want proof.
But yeah, anyway, the beautiful, ugly world of pro sports! "Go fuck yourself" is what I want people to think of when they read my blog! Why do I have a job!?
This item was created by a member of this blog's community and is not necessarily endorsed by Fear The Fin.
27 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Thanks ievans!
He really is a dickweed pardon my french. I can’t stand him or anything he says in general. As a person who is still trying to learn a great deal more about hockey aside from the fights and scoring he just makes hockey to me seem like a downer. Nothing constructive ever comes out of his ugly ass mouth. Sorry you came across his crap and actually read it.
"Boys only voluntarily hug when someone scores."
"Hockey players wear numbers because you can’t always identify the body with dental records."—Anonymous
If you are looking for enthusiasm and insight about hockey
I highly recommend ESPN’s John Buccigross. The man loves hockey and has good insight into it. He may not be the guy to go to for rumors or breaking news, but if you want hockey lore, geeky humor and musical references, he’s your man.
They're not getting this kind of coverage at "Hockey Night In Canada" folks! - Randy Hahn
LOL thanks I’ll check him out though admittedly I cannot stand ESPN but for him I may sit through it. Also with that kind of personality I think he should be my man for more than just hockey advice :D
"Boys only voluntarily hug when someone scores."
"Hockey players wear numbers because you can’t always identify the body with dental records."—Anonymous
by mssjsclowie29 on Feb 9, 2010 2:30 PM PST up reply actions
Typing of Bucci
Here’s his latest piece, on Brendan Burke
There’s A Light that Never Goes Out
excuse me while I go grab a tissue
"Sorry guys, I’m not going to try and hit (Douglas) Murray anymore. It doesn’t work." - Steve Ott, Dallas Stars.
by SwisherThresher on Feb 10, 2010 1:00 PM PST up reply actions
A Smiths reference!
Sadly, an all too appropriate one. I hope his reference is to something besides the rest of the Smiths song, because the lyrics are a little too close to the bone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INgXzChwipY
"iaT"S FUCKINGE LIEK CONICO DO MAYO!!!!!111"
Mr. K. 5/5/2009
I can’t believe he admitted to screwing horses.
I don’t enjoy watching him, listening to him, or even knowing that he “likes” the same team. Perhaps he should take that horse and crawl back under the rock. However, he is emblematic of the loudest voices in San Jose and in the media come playoff time. Nothing but the cup will ever be good enough. No one has heart. The Sharks only know how to choke.
Mr. Ratto surely knows something about choking, based on the number of chins he carries. Maybe this is the angle he should be taking.
Jon Casey fan since '84
I kinda like watching his neck jiggle like jello when he talks.
Other than that he 3 chins, along with the rest of him, have no redeeming value to me.
that’s just disgusting. LOL….mahalo for the image…I can never eat and watch him again.
"Boys only voluntarily hug when someone scores."
"Hockey players wear numbers because you can’t always identify the body with dental records."—Anonymous
by mssjsclowie29 on Feb 9, 2010 2:31 PM PST up reply actions
The last game Ratto worked for CSN
He looked like he had just rolled in from the bargain bin at a thrift store.
"iaT"S FUCKINGE LIEK CONICO DO MAYO!!!!!111"
Mr. K. 5/5/2009
Ratto,
Comes off with the “fat kid always picked last for dodgeball in gym class” attitude towards sports. Hearing him talk about Niners/Raiders/Sharks is like hearing my mom try to talk about setting up an effective DFP (Defensive Firing Position) in Iraq, the shit just doesn’t come out right! I agree with the original post generally, but I don’t think I can accurately portray my utter hatred and sickness felt every time I hear that worthless piece of shit try to analyze blubber about anything sports related.
"..." - unknown
Proud member of the "Don't Trade Marleau" Club
by SetoThorMarChooSki on Feb 9, 2010 3:28 PM PST reply actions
Me thinks Ray Ratto
Knows a lot about shit not coming out right.
They're not getting this kind of coverage at "Hockey Night In Canada" folks! - Randy Hahn
This is all so familiar...
We just had a similar topic at Athleticsnation: Why does Ratto hate the A’s?. S.Slusser was quick to defend a fellow journalist. It’s an amusing read. Recommended.
Personally it makes me sad SJ can’t (for whatever reason) usurp Ratto w/ a hockeycentric individual to provide pre/post-game analysis. Too bad JR opted to grab the mic for the Kings. ; (
Ratto is spread out too thin (insert weight joke here). He covers a lot of sports, but none very well. While checking the latest MLB transactions, he’s also reading up on the English Premier League while trying to tell Sharks fans about their D-core.
According to Slu, he’s a nice guy with a tough gig and ‘hey, at least someone is willing to talk about the A’s…Sharks.’) In the end, he still gets paid for his opinions – however vague or inaccurate. Amazing really.
"Sorry guys, I’m not going to try and hit (Douglas) Murray anymore. It doesn’t work." - Steve Ott, Dallas Stars.
I don't know hard of a job that really is/
I follow all of these teams – and probably know much more about the Sharks, and close to as much on the Giants and A’s. I also have a full time job, and am remodeling a house.
If he spent less time shoving pork products down his gullet I’m betting he would have more time to watch sports (what a shitty job).
+1
Well, he’s apparently an equal opportunity surface-level sports fan.
I’m purposefully not dogging him because of his weight, and he might very well be a nice enough guy. But my god is he bad at his job. It’s like he memorized a bunch of sports cliches back in 1983 or whatever and has been coasting ever since.
Ratto does not know jack.
Sure, Wallin might not put up a lot of points in the postseason, but they are not asking him to try and do that. They are asking him to be a solid, stay at home defenseman and he can give us that.
Proud member of the "Don't Trade Marleau" club.
Fear the Fin: Where Sharks Fans Aren't Like Other Sharks Fans.
by SharksFanEst.1994 on Feb 9, 2010 6:49 PM PST reply actions
Congratulations! You now know more about hockey than Ray “Comcast SportsNet California-paid commenter” Ratto! Throw on an ugly sweater and head down to the studio.
Awesome.
The sweater might be a wee bit too big for me though.
Proud member of the "Don't Trade Marleau" club.
Fear the Fin: Where Sharks Fans Aren't Like Other Sharks Fans.
by SharksFanEst.1994 on Feb 10, 2010 6:35 PM PST up reply actions
And you would need an epic mustache.
Don’t EVER forget the mustache.
by Icing On The Power Play on Feb 13, 2010 11:02 PM PST up reply actions
IM RAY RATTO AND ILL EAT YOUR GODDAMN COSBY SWEATER AFTER I WIPE MY ASS WITH IT
I JUST ATE THREE COOP FULL OF CHICKEN WINGS AND NOW I GOT THE RUNS REALLY BAD BUT MY ASS IS SO HUGE GARBLEGARBLE I HAVE TO WIPE IN A DOWNWARDS MOTION SO THE POO STAINS WONT GET CAUGHT UP IN MY UTILITY BELT WHICH I KEEP FILLED WITH CONDIMENTS LIKE HORSEY SAUCE AND SPRINKLED COW UDDERS OMNOMNOM GODDAMN THE SHARKS SUCK CUZ IF ANYONE WHO KNOWS WHAT A REAL ATHLETE SHOULD LOOK LIKE ITS ME
NOW EXCUSE ME I HAVE RESERVATIONS AT MCDONALDS AND I WANT TO GET THERE BEFORE THEY CLOSE DOWN THE KITCHEN
I like my goals like I like my booze..... Top shelf.
by GhostOfLinkGaetz on Feb 15, 2010 11:51 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
Related FanPosts on Fear The Fin
Related FanShots on Fear The Fin
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recommended FanPosts
Recent FanPosts
In Association With
Latest Puck Daddy - NHL from Yahoo! Sports
- Friday’s Three Stars: Blackhawks lose seventh straight; Wings win nineteenth straight at home
- Puck Previews: Blackhawks reeling; Sabres streaking; Holmstrom’s 1000th game
- Will Teemu Selanne remain with the Anaheim Ducks through the trade deadline?
- Nikolai Zherdev takes stick to crotch, elbow drop in KHL game (Video)
- Puck Headlines: Accused coach Pravilov dead; more Tim Thomas heat; Junior team goes nuts post-shootout
Latest stories and headlines from NHL.com
- WHL Roundup: A look at Friday's games
- Franson scores winner as the Giants edge the Silvertips 3-2
- Ross with goal and assist to lead the Winterhawks over the Americans 4-2
- Wedman, Aviani and Valcourt lead the Chiefs over the Thunderbirds 5-4
- Elynuik scores winner as the Cougars beat the Oil Kings 5-4 in OT
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
