• Alexei Semenov after being hit in the jugular with a horse tranquilizer.
• The time it takes you to count each of Patrick Marleau's eyebrows.
• A Ray Ratto lunch at Korea BBQ All You Can Eat Buffet.
• Adam Foote.
• Teemu Selanne's offseason decisions.
• The line behind Doug Wilson at Ultimate Tanning Salon.
• One full episode of Gray's Anatomy.
• The time it takes Don Cherry to apologize for an offhand remark about Europeans.
• Completing Mass Effect 2 on Insanity.
• Just about anything outside of intercourse.

I need me some freaking hockey. Holy jumpin'.