F*ck the San Jose Sharks

Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Nah, seriously, screw these assholes.

Being a Sharks fan blows. I don't know if it blows more than being a fan of whatever team you're a fan of, nor do I particularly care. So if you're a frickin Sabres fan ready to scroll to the goddamn comments to blast me for not appreciating what I have, how about going outside and enjoying the three months of the year where it's not literally hell to live in the place that you do?

Awesome. Glad we got that out of the way. Let's get back to how much it sucks being a Sharks fan on June 19, 2014. In just the past 24 hours, an organization generally credited for its cleverness has signed Michael-Fucking-Brown to a two-fucking-year contract for more money than what is legally required by the union that represents him.

In addition to that moment of breath taking stupidity, they fired Drew Remenda, who for one reason or another y'all seem to dig around here. He's not my cup of tea or anything, but it's pretty remarkable that the Sharks decided to fire a beloved broadcaster as they attempt to blow up the best team that has ever played hockey in San Jose. Oh, right, that. Remember this is all in context of Doug Wilson, hero of the people that he is, believing steadfastly that the best way for the Sharks to win a Stanley Cup is to trade one or both of the two players he signed to large extensions a year ago.

This man did not lose his job -- nor did Todd McLellan. A trope in sports is that it's easier to fire a coach than the players -- the San Jose Sharks don't give a damn about your tropes. When it was announced that the coaching staff would remain intact, I was relieved. I felt that the structure in place in San Jose was good enough to make another cup run assuming that a few manageable offseason goals were met.

Wilson and company clearly got another message. If the fear of Hasso Plattner was dwindling ticket sales, I can't wait to see how Sharks fans respond to the rebuild that's going to happen over the next couple years. Oh yeah, that's right everyone, we've had the r-word dropped on us now. It's not so much that it's a surprise as it is sobering to hear the words come out of Wilson's mouth. The man we've (almost) universally lauded over the past several years decided the best way forward is without a couple of the team's best forwards. That sucks.

And then, just when you thought it was all mercifully over yesterday...this shit gets dropped on us. I'm not worried about the Sharks leaving the Bay Area -- it's more that as all of this shitty news about this stupid, miserable team comes out, we get to see the owners use scare tactics because their guy negotiated a garbage television deal five years ago. Excuse me if I don't weep for the pocketbook of Plattner and company. The poor billionaire will have to find extra revenue flow from somewhere else; color me heartbroken.

So here we are. A team that with a few added pieces could contend for a Stanley Cup is being blown up. You know who had a similar reaction to this after a bad playoffs series? The Vancouver Canucks. If there's one franchise the tealy fins should emulate, surely it's the Vancouver Orca Dudes, right?

I got into a debate with a friend of mine today who has been a Leafs fan her entire life about what was more depressing -- being a fan of a team routinely horrible, or being a fan of a team that constantly gives reason for hope only to destroy it year in and year out. I think it's probably worse to be a fan of the former, but it fucking sucks being a fan of the latter today.

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