To the tune of Good King Wenceslas.

This one comes with a picture, too.

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I'm dreaming of a Sharks Calder

With every goal that Couture marks

He's really given this team a spark

As he tries to bring the Calder to the Sharks

 

I'm dreaming of a Sharks Calder

Just like Nabokov had to show

Because our rookie's better

A record setter

His teeth, as white as driven snow

 

I'm dreaming of a Sharks Calder

With every goal that Couture marks

He's really given this team a spark

As he tries to bring the Calder to the Sharks

 

Byfuglien got run over by a Crankshaft,

Trying to cross the blue line, Christmas Eve.

You can say he's not the greatest skater

Just try to tell him he's slow as you bleed.

Dustin was skating with his head down

as he tried to leave the zone.

He wasn't looking for that big Swede

with an unquenched thirst for blood and iron bones.

When they found him Christmas morning, 

at the scene of the attack,

he couldn't remember what his name was, 

but at 15:32 it all went black.

 

Byfuglien got run over by a Crankshaft,

Trying to cross the blue line, Christmas Eve.

You can say he's not the greatest skater

Just try to tell him he's slow as you bleed.

 

Now we're all so proud of Byfuglien

He's been playing so well now

But that's because of the concussion 

He thinks it's 1952 and he's Gordie Howe

Dan Boyle's play is flashy

And Vlasic's a master with the stick

But don't fear them when you're skating

Just look out for that wall of Swedish brick

 

Byfuglien got run over by a Crankshaft,

Trying to cross the blue line, Christmas Eve.

You can say he's not the greatest skater

Just try to tell him he's slow as you bleed.

 

Now Byfuglien is with Atlanta

And he's trying to move past

But he always has the same dream

Nightmares of a Swedish tank named Douglas

He's warned all his Thrasher teammates

"The Eastern Conference is a joke!"

But I guess they'll learn their lesson

When it becomes their collarbone that Murray broke

 

Byfuglien got run over by a Crankshaft,

Trying to cross the blue line, Christmas Eve.

You can say he's not the greatest skater

Just try to tell him he's slow as you bleed.

The timelessness of Christmas songs are what make them so dear to our hearts. So as you nestle up by the fire this holiday season, think back to the days of yore when the Worcester Shuttle was in full effect.

Cell phones ring, are you listenin'
On the airplane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight, Demers is Eastbound tonight
Walking in a Worcester Wonderland

Gone away, are the Anaheim boobirds
Here to stay, are drills with Vesce and Mashinter
They sing a few songs, as McGinn hums along
Walking in a Worcester Wonderland

In the meadow they can build a snowman
Then pretend that they weren't ever sent down
He'll say "Are you in the doghouse" and they'll say "No man"
"Doug Wilson's just creating some cap space while we're in town"

Later on, they'll conspire
As they dream, of catching fire
To face unafraid, the cap games DW played
Walking in a Worcester Wonderland

In the meadow they can build a snowman
And pretend that he's a deadline acquisition from out of town
They'll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman
Until McLaren beats his button nose into the ground

When it snows, it ain't thrilling
Though their sweat, sure gets a spilling
They'll frolic and play, saving cap space today
Walking in a Worcester Wonderland

Keep these coming folks, they're absolutely amazing. I'll compile the lot of them next week in a big FTF Guide To Christmas Carols post.

 

Go Sharks.

 

Everybody stops and stares at him

Those two teeth not small nor slim

I don’t know who to blame for his anatomy,

But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it could be.

 

All I want for Christmas are Couture’s front teeth,

Couture’s front teeth,

Those huge front teeth.

See those behemoth teeth!

 

Gee if I could only

Have Couture’s front teeth

Then I could wish you

“Murray Christmas”

 

It seems so long since he would say

“I’ll be in the NHL someday”

But gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,

if he could lift that silver trophy.

 

All I want for Christmas are Couture’s front teeth,

Couture’s front teeth,

Those huge front teeth.

See those behemoth teeth!

 

Gee if I could only

Have Couture’s front teeth

Then I could wish you

“Murray Christmas”

 

Been sitting on this for a couple weeks and was debating tonight between posting this and something else I'd crafted, but if there's one Sharks carol on the board, there might as well be two...

 

The Twelve Days of Sharksmas

 

On the first day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

A goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the second day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the third day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

McGinn being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the fourth day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

Demers loving SCIENCE! 

McGinn's being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the fifth day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me

The Big Pavelski! 

 

Demers loving SCIENCE! 

McGinn being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the sixth day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me  

Crankshaft's hits, 

 

The Big Pavelski! 

 

Demers loving SCIENCE! 

McGinn being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the seventh day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

Dan Boyle's eyebrows, 

Crankshaft's hits, 

 

The Big Pavelski! 

 

Demers loving SCIENCE! 

McGinn being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the eighth day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

Logan's shiny teeth, 

Dan Boyle's eyebrows, 

Crankshaft's hits, 

 

The Big Pavelski! 

 

Demers loving SCIENCE! 

McGinn being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the ninth day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

Dany Heatley sniping, 

Logan's shiny teeth, 

Dan Boyle's eyebrows, 

Crankshaft's hits, 

 

The Big Pavelski! 

 

Demers loving SCIENCE! 

McGinn being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the tenth day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

Clowe throwing punches, 

Dany Heatley sniping, 

Logan's shiny teeth, 

Dan Boyle's eyebrows, 

Crankshaft's hits, 

 

The Big Pavelski! 

 

Demers loving SCIENCE! 

McGinn being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the eleventh day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

Thornton's woolly mammoth, 

Clowe throwing punches, 

Dany Heatley sniping, 

Logan's shiny teeth, 

Dan Boyle's eyebrows, 

Crankshaft's hits, 

 

The Big Pavelski! 

 

Demers loving SCIENCE! 

McGinn being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

 

On the twelfth day of Sharksmas, 

my true love sent to me 

Marleau being awkward, 

Thornton's woolly mammoth, 

Clowe throwing punches, 

Dany Heatley sniping, 

Logan's shiny teeth, 

Dan Boyle's eyebrows, 

Crankshaft's hits, 

 

The Big Pavelski! 

 

Demers loving SCIENCE! 

McGinn being dickish, 

Nitty's big saves, 

And a goal from Setoguchi!

Ok, gloom and doomers, time to cheer the hell up! It's the Magical Holiday Season, where spoiled children get Ovechkin jerseys to give the family some joy for the first time since Daddy got in trouble and Nicole the au-pair had to move out!

You're all doing something wrong in this picture

So, in this spirit of giving and happiness, I'd like to present the first of what I hope is many Sharksmas Carols you all can sing as you gather around the Kelp Tree and drink some hot chum. Here's that old winter-time classic, "Let it Clowe".

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So much hand-wringing. So much inconsistent play.

Here' s an interesting thing to think about though. It's pretty commonly accepted that though the NHL is determined to start the season off in Europe, no good if it has come for the teams that have started there. In almost every case, those teams have returned to a slow start.

It's not that surprising.  Surviving the long, tough NHL season requires a rhythm to be established, both for the individuals and the the organization and coaching staff. The teams that go to Europe get behind in this. (an interesting but impossible experiment would be to "shift" the Europe-starting team's results and play by a week or two and compare that to the rest of the teams.)

The Sharks got that expected slow start.

The Sharks sit 1 game out of first place in the Pacific, and 2.5 out of first in the conference.

Rewind the clock though, and assume the Sharks start here. They likely end up winning one or two more games at the beginning of the season, and at this point would be leading the Pacific, and challenging for the conference.

The reality is that the west is crazy this year. Crazy competitive. Europe hasn't helped us. It's not time to push the panic button.

Go Sharks.

Three problems:

1. I have DISH (therefore, no Sharks).

2. I live near Santa Cruz (limited availability of Sharks-friendly TV spots)

3. I'm from Buffalo (and would like to see today's game other than on ATDHE.net)

4. As this is my first fan post, I have to burn up space so that my post can be published. Let's see...what can I tell you?

• I think Logan will be runner-up for Calder (to BoBo). 
• I think the team needs a significant trade to equal or surpass last year's performance. 
• I saw Ron Wilson's father play for the Buffalo Bisons (pre-Sabres) and Satchel Paige pitch for the Miami Marlins.
• I am older than you are.

With the Sharks inconsistency* this season, many Sharks fans are probably wondering what the fuck is going on with the Sharks.  Well, thanks to my inside sources, I have been able to piece together what goes on during a Sharks game.

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