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James Sheppard traded to the Rangers for 4th rounder: reaction, analysis, but mostly just Mass Effect references

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According to multiple sources, James Sheppard has been traded to the Rangers in exchange for a 4th round pick in the 2016 draft.

I'm just as stunned as you are, Shep.
I'm just as stunned as you are, Shep.
Sergei Belski-USA TODAY Sports

We were all so naive. We should have believed the legends of the impending doom the Rangers were bringing. Now James Sheppard is our only chance left.

Today started so innocently. I awoke to see the Rangers made a trade today. They acquired Keith Yandle, formerly of the Phoenix Arizona Coyotes. The strange part was, Arizona retained money from Yandle's contract.

A team notorious for having money problems is retaining salary. It's almost like the Rangers got into Arizona GM Don Maloney's head. Almost as if he was indoctrinated into believing the Rangers were helping him out.

If you're unaware of the Rangers, they're a very old franchise. Seemingly every year, they harvest good players from teams around the NHL. But then they come back the next year, and harvest a whole new crop of players from other teams.

Our story continues this afternoon, when some shocking rumors were put forth by a trustworthy news outlet here in our home system.

James Sheppard

I don't know who everyone else is, but I'm pretty sure that's Douglas Murray over Shep's left shoulder.

James Sheppard, third line center for the San Jose Sharks, part-time weather man, and noted hero, was leaving the team. What scourge could he be trying to protect us from?

Wait, a fourth round pick in 2016? That's nothing. Like literally nothing.

When Doug Wilson acquired James Sheppard, it took a third round pick going back to Minnesota. Sheppard was a former top prospect, who was immediately thrown into the fire, seemingly derailed his developnnent. Since that time, Sheppard recovered from a career threatening knee injury, became one of the best possession players in the Sharks bottom six last season on the fourth line, transitioned to third line center, put up the second most points on the team in the playoff series against the LA Kings last year, and developed into a defensively responsible center this season.

I mean, considering Sean Bergenheim was traded to the Wild recently for a 2016 third rounder, you could argue that it was decent market value, especially considering he was a pending UFA this time around.

Or, you could reach the only logical conclusion: Doug Wilson was indoctrinated by the Rangers.

Doug Wilson

Doug Wilson, in his office in San Jose.

Courageously, it appears, James Sheppard is trying to protect San Jose from the Rangers by facing them head on.

Rangers Reapers

This time though, Sheppard will have to face this threat alone, without help from any of his companions he met along the way - like his main-man, Alex Stalock.

He will have to decide how to defeat the Rangers. He can try to destroy them by sabotaging their playoff run, try to control them by leading them, or do nothing, and let the Rangers cycle of harvesting players continue next season. Or, if he too gets indoctrinated by the Rangers, he could go with the synthesis option. I don't have a hockey metaphor for what that would mean. Synthesis was just a really dumb, truly evil option they included into the Mass Effect games. Seriously, synthesis was just terrible.

Godspeed, Shep.