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Vancouver vs. the World: Or, the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance

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The Vancouver Canucks thinks there's a conspiracy against them. Stop laughing.

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I, like most of you, have no love lost for the Vancouver Canucks. While the team is pretty darn bad right now, the Orcas have caused their fair share of pain for Team Teal over the years (hi 2011, you still hurt) and some wounds never heal. Like any doctor would tell you, it's especially tough to keep stitches in the abdomen region while falling on the floor from laughing so hard.

Oh, you mean you haven't seen this?

I know, there's a lot to unpack here, obviously. The Vancouver Canucks saw fit to publish this on their own damn website. They tweeted this story out from the official team account. If this was published on a fan site, it would be mildly amusing but not all that surprising — but to see the actual team buy into its own inferiority complex? Good lord, we've got the makings of something very special here.

There's probably room for a well-reasoned takedown of some of what's said here, but let's start with a couple basics.

1) Yeah, non-Canadians playing on the west coast don't get the coverage that Canadians playing on the east coast get.

2) No shit.

Okay, cool. Now let's get to the good stuff.

Marc Methot took a run at Henrik Sedin on Oct. 10 of 2011. A dirty hit on a star player and nothing was done. In 2011 in the Western Conference Final, Ben Eager took a crazy run at Henrik Sedin and got two minutes for boarding. There was no suspension. In the Stanley Cup Final in 2011 on June 6, Tim Thomas leveled Henrik in front of the net and got no penalty. Brad Marchand submarined Daniel and got nothing. In March of 2012 Duncan Keith got suspended for five games for an elbow to the head of Daniel Sedin. It was one of the most flagrant fouls you have ever seen. Daniel missed 19 regular season games and the first three games of the playoffs. That same playoff year Dustin Brown flattened Henrik Sedin with an obvious elbow on Apr.15 in the series against the Kings. No penalty was called. In March of 2014 Henrik’s iron man streak of 679 games played was ended when Martin Hanzal crossed checked him and a couple of games later he could not play. Hanzal got no penalty. In the last game of 2013-2014 season Paul Byron ran Daniel Sedin into the boards and he was carried off on a stretcher. He got five and a game and nothing else. This year Brayden McNabb threw a flying elbow at Henrik in the first two minutes of the game against the Kings at the Rogers arena on Dec. 28. There was no penalty on the play. I phoned the league office and they said they looked at it and would give McNabb a warning, but what does this do for the Canucks or the perception that the league is doing nothing?

Oh yeah, this is a laundry list of "dirty hits" the Sedins have received over the year. I like to think that Garrett has some kind of burn book somewhere filled with grievances against the Mighty Orcas. It's not about the particular plays, obviously some of these may well be dirty, it's this remarkable Special Snowflake Attitude that leads Garrett to believe that, somehow, the Canucks are taking it in the shorts more than anybody else.

The Canucks.

The Vancouver Canucks.

I may never stop laughing.

Hey, remember this?