Let’s help Las Vegas choose a new name

Did you hear about the Las Vegas Golden Knights? No, I don’t mean about how boring and mediocre the name is. It’s a very mediocre and boring name, true, but I’m talking about how hilarious it is that its trademark was rejected weeks after they announced their new name with a fiery ceremony.

Ignoring how tragically stupid it was to announce a new name before filing the trademark, the Golden Knights need a new name. Okay, not in the legal sense — they have the opportunity to appeal the decision and may very well get their trademark in the end. But let’s be real: they need a new name.

Seeing as I’m going to have to write about them five or six times next year, I decided to help them out. No, I’m not going to write a bunch of the typical, cheesy Las Vegas puns. I’m going to try to come up with five names that both capture the spirit of Las Vegas while also being unique and interesting. They literally can’t be worse than Golden Knights. I promise.

Las Vegas Wranglers

Listen, I know the Wranglers didn’t have a happy history in Sin City, but I love the idea of embracing the little bit of hockey history the city has. Plus, it’s a cool name. Go with it.

Las Vegas Sinners

This name was never going to happen, but if we have a team named after the literal devil I don’t see why sinner is taboo. Come on. Have some fun.

Las Vegas Miners

Between the famed Golden Nugget casino and Vegas’ nickname as “Silver City,” the town has a history as a mining hub (or at least a hub where miners wasted their earnings). This would’ve offered a cool vibe, albeit one perhaps more fitting to Denver than Vegas.

Las Vegas Atoms

Many of the famous nuclear tests during the 1950s took place not far from Vegas. I don’t know if “paying homage” is the right phrase here, but there’s some cool art inspiration up for grabs here.

Las Vegas Sun Birds

If there’s one thing Las Vegas is known for, it’s heat. What better way to pay homage to that than by naming yourself after a bid made out of fire?

Okay ... these are my ideas. What do you have? I trust pretty much anything you come up with will also be better than Golden Knights.