The Edmonton Oilers have never had a mascot. That is, they hadn’t had one untiul today when they revealed this monstrosity onto the world. Hunter, a Canadian Lynx, is named after the original owner of the Alberta franchise and I suppose represents the wildlife that a team named after a natural resource commonly used to destroy our planet cares about so deeply.
#Oilers fans, meet Hunter: our first-ever mascot! pic.twitter.com/T1phDV73P3— Edmonton Oilers (@EdmontonOilers) September 26, 2016
Let’s cut to the chase: this mascot sucks. Not only does it do a poor job of representing the team it’s a mascot for, it’s also terrifically ugly. Here’s what a Canadian Lynx actually looks like:
In fairness, this is a weird looking animal. It’s like the unholy combination of a lion and some sort of raccoon, which is actually pretty freaking sweet. The Oilers’ mascot only very vaguely looks like the animal it represents, and the terrifying death creature is plainly a terrible mascot. Here’s what the Oilers should have gone with:
Think how cute an anthropomorphized version of a lottery ball would look! Not only does it represent the Oilers’ recent failure, kids would be lining up for days to have a picture taken with the balls that got the team Connor McDavid. Nice!
How about a cute animal covered head to toe in oil? You know, the resource that coerced a whole bunch of people to live in Alberta in the first place! Neat! Oil is the best!
The Great One! I’m not talking about some weird costumed mascot, either. I want the actual Wayne Gretzky to bang on drums and lift signs prompting the Oilers to cheer for him. As an added bonus, the Oilers can always trade him away midseason to get draft picks!
A dinosaur! This is actually the only good suggestion I’m going to give them and only because I love dinosaurs too much to not make this obvious connection. In fact, name the team after a dinosaur. Oil sucks, dinosaurs area awesome. Thank me later, Oilers fans.