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Deep Blue Sea: Gritty declares war

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Oct 6, 2018; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty and Philadelphia Union mascot Phang during the first half against the Minnesota United at Talen Energy Stadium. Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

I cannot believe I’m writing a third Deep Blue Sea about Gritty, but here we are.

The newly minted Philadelphia Flyers mascot has stayed in the news since protesters used his likeness while speaking out against Donald Trump’s recent visit to Philadelphia. Gritty has become wholly and immediately synonymous with the city itself.

For some reason, fascists hate this because being part of Philadelphia means he belongs to the liberals of the city as well? Maybe? Who knows, it’s a stupid thing to get mad about, anyway, and quite possibly the weirdest thing in the history of the universe to have a victim complex over.

But that’s not even the biggest problem with Gritty right now.

Yesterday, Gritty declared all out war on our beloved SJ Sharkie and now I, and the entire city of San Jose, have beef with this muppet gone wrong.

He even went so far as to attack some of Sharkie’s baby relatives, who were peacefully snoozing on gift shop shelves:

That’s the final straw, Grittison Flyera. Sharkie is the hardest working fish in the NHL and you really think you can disrespect him like this? You think you can just act like fish are not our friends? Even after Sharkie welcomed you to the NHL family?

Don’t forget: the All Star Game in on our turf this year and Sharkie will remember this slight.

Tread carefully, muppet man.

And please stop making me write about you.

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