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Happy Birthday, Brent Burns!

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Uh oh, we still need to pick up a gift.

Brent Burns Birthday Getty Images/Fear the Fin illustration by JD Young

Happy birthday Brent Burns!

The Sharks’ defenseman turns 34 years old today, and we here at Fear the Fin Hockey Blogging and Advanced Chemicals, LLC. would like to wish him the very best. While it is true that Father Time is undefeated, Burns is having another stellar season. Through 68 games, he has posted 13 goals and 60(!) assists to lead all blueliners with 73 points, and is making a strong case for a second Norris Trophy.

Both on the ice and off, Burns is a gift to Sharks fans. But what could we give him, the man who has everything? We have some thoughts.

  1. His two front teeth. Kind of obvious, but more of a Christmas gift.
  2. A hunting trip to some exotic, remote locale where he can hunt something he has never hunted before, like dinosaurs or ewoks or people.
  3. A pizza so big it has to be delivered on a flatbed truck.
  4. A pocket square made from the same material as Doctor Strange’s Cloak of Levitation.
  5. An Ark. With all the animals under Burns’ care and the rising ocean levels, this will, sadly, be necessary sooner than later.
Happy Birthday Burns Fear the Fin illustration by JD Young

What do you think? What would be a good birthday present for Brent Burns?