Fear the FAQ 2011-12

It’s that time of the year again. When people stop going outside because hey, the Sharks game is on. As with every season, there are new fans that decide to take the Sharks out for a spin, seeing what it’s like to cheer for a team that unabashedly embraces the color teal. As someone who has been born and raised on the Sharks, I gotta say, it’s pretty fun. Every season, there are also fans who have watched the Sharks and know the Sharks, but they are new to the Fear the Fin community. This FAQ is for both groups; what it may lack in actual hockey terminology it makes up for in comprehensiveness with regards to slang and inside jokes/memes that populate the comments section. No longer do you have to wonder what Grier’s First Law is, or why people seem to keep reminding others that Ian White doesn’t play for the Sharks anymore. Enjoy!

Rec’d – Short for “recommended,” the SBN version of the Facebook “like” button. To rec a comment, click the “actions” link underneath it, and then click “Rec.”
Make it green! – When a comment gets two recs* it turns green. When someone posts this, they want other people to rec the comment so others can also appreciate it.
Flag’d – Opposite of a rec, where a user dislikes the comment. Usually when someone posts “flag’d” it is faceitious, but it is possible to flag a post for spam, trolling innappropriate content, etc. if need be. Click on actions and you will see an option for “Flag.”

z – will go to and highligh the next comment in a thread. Will also mark every comment that you have read/z’d through as read (i.e. without a yellow background).
c/j – goes through the unread comments without marking them as read.
k – goes backwards through the unread comments without marking them as read.
x – marks comments as read (i.e. makes them have a white background).
shift-a – marks all comments in the thread as read.

While there is a message board aspect to SBN, the comments use regular HTML. They also have shortcuts on the top of the comment box: the B is for bold, I is for italics, S is for strikeouts, ” is for quoting someone (known as blockquotes), the chain link is for a link, and the picture of a tree is for an image.

To post an image, go to a site like Photobucket, Imageshack, or TinyPic and upload an image there.

There are also a few auto-formatting things in comments that SBN does that trips up everyone:
#1 – if the first character in a paragraph is a number sign, it will automatically create a numbered list
* blah – if the first character in a paragraph is an asterisk and is seperated from the next character with a space, it will automatically create a bulleted list
*word* – if a word or phrase is surrounded by asterisks with no spaces at either end (i.e. not * blah *), the word will be bolded
-word- – this will make a word or phrase have a line through it.
!URL! – put a URL (the web address) of an image between the exclamation points without any spaces, and the image will show up.
@word@ – This will put all text between the two @’s in a grey coding box, in which HTML does not work.

Note: all those shortcuts are only for comments; they do not work in fanposts or fanshots.

Be sure to press the preview button before posting a comment – once you post, you cannot edit or delete the comment. Believe me, this has tripped up everyone at some point.

	#8 – Joe Pavelski Pavs/Little Joe/The Big Pavelski/Joe Money/GI Joe The Real American Hero CLUTCH! – Others may pretend to be clutch, but nobody reaches the same level of Pavelski clutch. Lousy Detective
	#9 – Martin Havlat Marty @martinhavlat
	#10 – Brad Winchester Mystery House
	#12 – Patrick Marleau “A” (at home) Patty/Hattrick Marleau/Gutless BEAST – When a player on the penalty kill is in the other team’s zone, protecting it from 3+ players from the other team all by themselves. Usually refers to Patrick Marleau. Oh captain my captain! – Reference to Walt Whitman and/or the movie Dead Poets Society, when Patrick Marleau scores a goal. Doesn’t matter that he’s not the captain anymore. Patrick Marleau Facts – While originating over at Battle of California, FTFers have embraced theses facts as well. They’re basically Chuck Norris facts, except awkward. Lousy Medium
	#15 – James Sheppard Who the f*** is James Sheppard?
	#17 – Torrey Mitchell Taco Torrey – he is the only one on the Sharks to score within Taco Time thus far. Cannot manage to skate an entire shift without falling down Can only score pretty goals, like this one.
	#19 – Joe Thornton “C” Jumbo Joe Angry Joe – Occasionally, Joe Thornton gets angry. And when he gets angry, he can dominate a game like few others can. Oh, and he fights people. And wins. Angry Joe is never a bad thing. Slappy – A ventriloquist dummy that was first featured in the first “PLAYER NAME is a lousy PROFESSION, but a great hockey player!” commercial, and has since been used in multiple other commercials. Woolly Mammoth – Joe Thornton is a self-described “wooly mammoth guy.” Although previously thought to be a one-off comment back in 2009 that Sharks fans ran with, Thornton was presented with a woolly mammoth tusk for his 1000th game, causing the internet to explode. Lousy Ventriloquist / Lousy Babysitter
	#26 – Michal Handzus Zeus
	#28 – Andrew Murray The Other Murray/TOM
	#29 – Ryane Clowe “A” (on the road) His Move – Clowe has admitted to having only one shootout move – forehand, backhand, roofs it. Everyone knows that he only has one move. Yet, for some reason, it is incredibly effective. Lousy Waiter @ryaneclowe29
	#39 – Logan Couture Juicy/Prince Logan/Teeth/Cooter/Cooch Believe it or not, the latter is his actual nickname. Yes, I’m just as surprised as you are. BUST – He failed to make the NHL roster in 2009/score a hat trick in every game, prompting some people to label him a bust. Other people (i.e. me) mocked those people. Is obsessed with Drake/rap in general. Lousy Pizza Guy @Logancouture
	#64 – Jamie McGinn Ginner/McGNYAN Basically flew from San Jose to Australia and back three times in the 2009-10 season. Best player in NHL history to wear #64 [Source] Is a dick. Beloved by Plank and Matt. @JamieMcGinn64
	#68 – Frazer McLaren Not Kyle – because he’s Not Kyle McLaren @Frazermclaren68
	#69 – Andrew Desjardins Desi Only player in NHL history to score with #69

	#2 – Jim Vandermeer @Jim_Vandermeer
	#3 – Douglas Murray Crankshaft – Used as a verb when he dishes out a big hit (“Avery was just Crankshafted!”). MURRAY SMASH – written in all caps, when Douglas Murray has a huge hit on a player that makes the other player fall down. Or, when the other player tries to hit Murray and still falls down. Douglas Murray, goal-scorer/offensive force – Douglas Murray scored a hat trick in the pre-season, after only scoring 1 goal in 210 career games. Lousy Massage Therapist
	#5 – Colin White Not to be confused with Ian White.
	#22 – Dan Boyle “A” Boyler/Hedgehog – the latter was listed on his Olympic player page Lousy Weatherman / Lousy Movie Usher
	#44 – Marc-Edouard Vlasic Pickles/Steady Eddie/Eddie Pickles – Ron Wilson alledgedly gave him this nickname at his first pro camp after being drafted. Twelve – He looks incredibly young, despite being the Sharks’ longest-tenured defenseman. Lousy Gardener
	#60 – Jason Demers SCIENCE! He is not related to former Sharks prospect, Julien Demers. Once punched a linesman in the face and was awarded a power play for it.
	#88 – Brent Burns Burnzie Likes snakes, wants to own a penguin. Lousy Snake Handler @Burnzie88

	#1 – Thomas Greiss Meth Squirrel – originated by GhostOfLinkGaetz, it refers to his rather spastic playing style and tendency to pokecheck everything and anything. Jesus Greiss/the Greiss is Right/etc – various Greiss puns
	#30 – Antero Niittymaki Nitty/Nittytwister/Sushi Roll He always chews on the collar of his jersey when he’s the backup on the bench.
	#31 – Antti Niemi Nemo Formerly the goalie with no arms. Lousy Poker Player

Worcester Sharks

Ferrari/Fairy-Oh – Benn Ferriero
The Red Scare/McCarthyism – John McCarthy
DaSilva Lining – Dan DaSilva
Monster Mash – Brandon Mashinter
Crazed Rats – The former third line of McCarthy-DaSilva-Desjardins, who shut down the opposing teams’ top lines and still managed to accrue a ridiculously good plus/minus.
Perfect – Alex Stalock, who has a 1.000 SV% and a 0.00 GAA at the NHL level.
Sexy – Tyson Sexsmith. No, really.
Harri Sateri – This picture.
Dr. Livingston, I presume – James Livingston

Sharks Prospect Twitter Accounts
@JamesLivy – James Livingston
@wwrenn91 – Willaim Wrenn
@CurtGogol13 – Curt Gogol
@ljmoffie – Lee Moffie
@justinsefton – Justin Sefton
@matt_nieto – Matt Nieto
@Tommy_Wingels – Tommy Wingels
@Doherty_4 – Taylor Doherty
@SeanSullivan37 – Sean Sullivan
@blackalatse – Sena Acolatse
@jmarcou19 – James Marcou

Stalock Superfans – Alex Stalock, the Sharks’ top goalie prospect, was the subject of an SNL Superfans parody back when he played for UMD. Since the internet exists, we found them. They are now occasionally brought up when talking about Stalock. “Acutally, I heard Stalock is 30% grizzly bear. I also heard he’s 30% machine and 30% cheetah, 10% man, and 80% god.”
Episode I | Episode II | Episode III
Our Stalock, who art in goal, hockey be thy name;
For every shot, that is on goal, may you save them all the same.

Tommy Wingels Facts – Let’s be serious. Anyone with the name “Tommy Wingels” can’t be more than 8 years old.

Former Sharks (because we still love ’em)

Nabby – Evgeni Nabokov. Used more than his actual name.
Super/Vezina/Cocky Nabby – There are times when Nabokov is just on. During those times, he is the best goalie in the world – the 07-08 season was basically an extended period of Super Nabby, hence the Vezina nomination.
Manny being Manny – Manny Malhotra, used to mock Manny Ramirez (it’s fitting that when Malhotra went to Vancouver, Ramirez was waived by the Dodgers)
Staubitzed – From the legendary Staubitz vs Tootoo fight, whenever Staubitz fights someone or has a big hit. Used as a verb: “Tootoo just got Staubtized!”
Like Wall – Arturs Irbe.
The Professor – Igor Larionov
Buster – Owen Nolan
Error/Errorhoff/Iceman – Christian Ehrhoff. Only the last one is his actual nickname, for obvious reasons.
Waterboy/Boosh – Brian Boucher
JR/Styles – Jeremey Roenick
Captain Hook – Rob Blake has a tendency to take hooking/interference penalties. A lot. Probably once per game. And since he’s currently the captain was the captain at the time, what else could we call him?
Nichol City – Scott Nichol
Hamburgers – Niclas Wallin
Heater/Dany F***in’ Heatley/F***in’ All Star – Dany Heatley
Seto/Gooch – Devin Setoguchi
Kent Huskins Cares – Kent Huskins, who cares

Non-Shark Players

Abracadabra – Justin Abdelkader
Corey F***ing Perry – Corey Perry
Pronger Physics – Not constrained to FTF. Chris Pronger once justified himself elbowing players in the head by saying that it was “just physics.”
DumDum – Jordin Tootoo. Jeremy Roenick once called him a DumDum in an interview, and so it will remain.
MONSTER – Pierre McGuire mockery, usually referring to Mike Richards. If you don’t know who Pierre is, lucky you.
Alternate Captain Elbows – The player formerly known as the player formerly known as Captain Elbows, another name for Chris Pronger.
Phaneuf – It’s Canadian for douche.
Captain Rogaine – Ryan Getzlaf, since he’s bald and now captain

Broadcasters/Journalists

Randy Hahn – Sharks television play by play announcer that has been with the team since it began. Inspires a lot of “TWSS!” moments. @sharkvoice
Drew Remenda – Sharks television color guy that was a former assistant coach. He’s the bald one. He also used to work for CBC, but then came back to the Sharks. Has a tendency to like players that Sharks fans hate.
Dan Rusanowski – Play by play for the radio, he’s never missed a game except for when he was in the car crash a few years back. Known to make an effort to get the correct pronounciation no matter what.
Jamie Baker – Radio analyst, one of the best in the league. Used to play for the Sharks; he scored the most important goal of the franchise, the Game 7 winner against the Red Wings back in ’94. @Bakes_Jamie13
David Pollak – the San Jose Mercury News beat reporter. Who is completely awesome. Has a blog which is the best source of up-to-date news about the Sharks. @PollakOnSharks
Brodie Brazil – current Sharks bench reporter. Friend of the blog, and completely awesome. His favorite player is Scott Nichol. His fourth favorite player is Jamal Mayers. @brodiebrazilCSN
Kevin Kurz – San Jose Sharks insider for CSNCA. Formerly from Philadelphia. @KKurzCSN
Scott Reiss – Studio reporter for CSNCA. @ScottReissCSN
Bret Hedican – Studio reporter for CSNCA, former Cup-winning NHL defenseman (which CSNCA brings up every single time). Also married to Kristi Yamiguchi. @BretHedican
Ray Ratto – CSN sports reporter known for his big moustache and big opinions. @RattoCSN
Mark “Our beloved Los Tiburones” Purdy – San Jose Mercury News reporter who occassionally writes about hockey. He has used the phrase “Our beloved Los Tiburones” in every single one of his articles, ever. @MercPurdy
Tim Kawakami – Writes about the Sharks once per year, in the lull between the Warrior’s season and the Raider’s pre-season, often about how much they choke in the playoffs. @timkawakami

Twitters to Follow
@SanJoseSharks – San Jose Sharks Official Twitter
@sjsharkie – S.J. Sharkie
@SharksInGame – San Jose Sharks Game Updates
@MercSharks – San Jose Mercury News Sharks Twitter
@CSNSharks – CSN Sharks Twitter
@WorcesterSharks – Worcester Sharks Official Twitter
@SharksAHLinGame – Worcester Sharks Game Updates
@StocktonThunder – Stockton Thunder Official Twitter
@fearthefin – Jason Plank
@FTFsTCY – Matthew Underscore Taylor
@mymclife – Ann/mymclife
@IvanoSJ – Ivano M
@idunno723 – Nathan/idunno723
@bigjonallred – Jon Allred
@FearthefInGame – Fear The Fin In Game

Players to Boo:
Chris Pronger
Corey Perry
Brian Campbell**
Steve Ott
Ed Belfour*
Theo Fleury*
*Players are no longer playing

**We boo Campbell not because he left the Sharks, but because he took the series-ending penalty against Dallas and lied about why he left (he said it was to be closer to his family, but his paycheck says otherwise).

Frequently Taunted Goalies
Marty Turco
Jonas Hiller

The Anthem
– Right before the singer starts, someone from section 209 will yell out, “Hey [OTHER TEAM’S CITY HERE].” The rest of the arena will answer, “YOU SUCK!”
– When playing the Stars, you must boo the word “stars” within the Star Spangled Banner. It cancels out the cheers that Stars fans do for it.
– The organization often tries to prevent the booing of “stars by having the crowd sing the anthem, but it rarely if ever works.

The Chomp – When the Sharks go on the power play, the Jaws theme will start playing duirng which everyone holds their arms out and moves them up and down in a chomping motion.

Taco Time – During the last two minutes of the second period, if the Sharks score everyone who texts “TACO” to 74499 will get the chance to win two free Jack-in-the-Box tacos. This promotion is the redheaded stepbrother of the former Round Table Pizza promotion, and is often booed and derided with chants of “WE WANT PIZZA!”

Do not lean forward in your seat at the Tank. Since the upper level especially was built incredibly steep, if one person leans over, they’re blocking the view of lots of people behind them. If you lean forward, you will be yelled at.

At the end of the 2009-10 season, the Tank was voted the the toughest road arena to play in by NHL players, beating out a lot more “traditional” markets like Montreal, Chicago, Philly, and Detroit.

Personal Tanning Booth – Doug Wilson is tan. Really, really tan. He rivals the cast of Jersey Shore, he’s so tan.

Fez Trick – When a player scores two goals in regulation and a third goal in the shootout. Since it’s not a hat trick officially, it has thus been dubbed a fez trick.

Ryane Clowe Hat Trick – A fight, a goal, and a shootout goal.

GPALZ! – A typo of Plank’s that will live forever, originated from this comment. Used when the Sharks score a goal.

Sh*t/Beauty of a sh*t – SharksFanEst.1994’s unfortunate typo, now used to replace the word “shot.”

But, Ian White does not play for the Sharks organization – Various iterations of this, spawned by this comment caused by the confusion between Ian and Colin White.

Reverse Bandwagon – The Sharks are in the unique position of having more fans come out of the woodwork when they’re doing bad (i.e., 6 game losing streak or being eliminated from the playoffs), who all disappear when the team is doing well again. Usually, it’s the opposite that happens.

Bringer of Doom Award – An award handed out by Couch Tarts’ own CTGray, it is awarded to the individual or group who brings the most doom, i.e. jinxes the Sharks.

Schnide – Once upon a time, we were worried about secondary scoring, and how nobody outside of the top line was scoring any goals for a few weeks. Well one night the secondary scoring “got off the schnide.” All of it. In what later became a drinking game, Randy and Drew kept proclaiming players off of their respective schnides throughout the game, making many people completely wasted. BONUS! The combined schnides of all the players that scored (including Regehr) was 244 games. Of course, Regehr’s was 142 alone.

Dancing GIFs – After a Sharks win, the posters will post various GIFs of people dancing or other amusing/celebratory acts. Not during the game, though, because that’s like mentioning a no-hitter during the game, and will likely get you a Bringer of Doom award. Also, it slows down the page.

Six GWGs – In the 2010 Sharks/Avalanche series, a Shark scored every single game winning goal, even in the games that they lost (Game 1 the puck went off of Blake’s leg, Game 3… well, we all know what happened in Game 3). We use that as evidence that the Sharks are awesome.

Deity Hierarchy
Certain players have achieved deity status.
Uber God – Patrick Marleau
God – Joe Thornton, Alex Stalock
Jesus – Dan Boyle, Marc-Edouard Vlasic

The Save – The Giants have The Catch, the Sharks have The Save. While the Sharks ultimately ended up losing the game, Nabokov’s save on Brad Richards in the first of four overtime periods is still regarded as one of the best all-time.

Grier’s Laws of Hockey
While Mike Grier move on, his laws of hockey stayed with us.
Grier’s First Law – Missing an empty net, especially when the goalie is pulled.
Grier’s Second Law – Shooting the puck into the goalie’s chest on a breakaway.

Toskala’s Law of Goaltending
Making a save on a penalty kill clearing attempt from 200 feet away is next to impossible.

Reginald Dustyballs – Alter ego of Plank.

Shootthepuckunlesstheresnolanethentrytomovethepuckacrossthezone!!! – What the crowd should yell instead of just “SHOOT!” Because far too often we see a defenseman wait too long and shoot the puck into somebody’s feet, instead of shooting when we told them to.

Kyle Wellwood is fat – a meme originated by Down Goes Brown, has been adopted by the internet. Because, like it says, Kyle Wellwood is fat.

Retired memes:
Glove of Doom – When Semenov reached up to block the puck with his hand, and caused the puck to go into net behind Nabokov.
Corn – Of the KFC chicken & corn commercials. Once sparked an epic rally against Phoenix. Setoguchi’s hometown is also Taber, Alberta – the corn capital of the world. The mojo wore off after that, and so will never be mentioned again.
Steven Seagal – Popped up around the same time corn did, also used as a rally/mojo thing. Didn’t work, and thus was forgotten.
26th pick – Sharks’s 2009 1st round pick was traded five times in less than a year. It also represented the only interesting part of watching the first round of the draft.
Sarah Palin Mask – This mask, posted by GhostOfLinkGaetz, led to a 10 game win streak. But when the streak ended, so did the mojo. And the tolerance of certain posters to put up with it.
HTML/Burger Line/Team Canada/the Eh Team – The line of Marleau-Thornton-Heatley. HTML is used most often by members of FTF, but others are used around the internet.

As this post is already getting unwieldy, and I don’t want to bog down anyone who is on a slow connection, I’ll refrain from posting any more images. That said, feel free to post any images that you believe are essential to the blog’s understanding in the comments.