Owen Nolan and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull


As we approach the trade deadline, it's common practice to rosterbate. Don't feel self conscious, everyone does it (whether they feel comfortable enough to admit to it or not). Late at night, alone with nothing to do, it's bound to happen.

Just make sure your thoughts don't drift to Owen Nolan.

It sounds like a great idea. Hell, it was my idea last season.

It's not. It's a bad idea.

Nolan was an amazing talent in San Jose; he was the heart and soul of the franchise. Most everyone around here knows this already, but my dog's name is Owen Nolan. He'll always be a Shark to many of us.

That doesn't mean he needs to come back to the team.

Rumors are running rampant around the interwebs, with notorious master of misinformation Eklund stirring the pot about 10 days ago. Since then, I've been seeing the possibility pop up on boards and in conversation ever since.

NO. I know you remember the 44 goal season. I know you remember him calling his own shot in the All Star Game. The memories are glorious. He exists surrounded by an aura of pure awesomeness, transcending reality to reach the echelon of outer-worldly glory.

If I could try to relate this possibility to a real world example, I'd like to think this situation is akin to that of Indiana Jones. Another figure who's reputation far surpasses most who have ever walked the earth, Jones' actions and heroics have inspired generations. Although on the surface he just appears to be a mere archaeology professor with a PhD, he's seen more adventure than... I can't even think of a comparison, it's impossible. He's seen a shitload of adventure.

Though, that's when he was younger. Indy's no dinosaur, though. He's still capable of a whip snap here, or a vine swing there. But, I was happy with that. I needed nothing more to build upon the memories of Indy kicking Nazi ass and finding ancient and mysterious artifacts. They were perfect how they were.

However other people, who also remembered the past glory, decided to try to bring him back. Indy has aged a bit, but hey, it wasn't the worst idea ever. It's not like there was an already established and widely accepted cannon which didn't need further expansion. Oh, wait, there is.

Well, hey, I guess we could make this work. Put him in a story like the others, with a mystery that's just real enough to make people wonder. How abou... aliens?  With mind control glass skulls? We're off to a bad start.

Wait, what the hell is Shia Labeouf doing here. Is that Cate Blanchett struggling through a Russian accent? This is spiraling out of control. Please don't tell me that's Marion. Damn it...

Point is, although it was an exciting idea at face value, I walked out of the theater realizing my childhood memories had just been exploited, and I'd been mind-f*cked out of $10.

I get the feeling that's what would happen with Nolan if he came back to San Jose. One, the cap hit is impractical for the Sharks' current situation. You definitely wouldn't get what your paying for. And, in order to grab him, we'd likely have to move a young player. It's not worth it.

Hey, his 16 goals this year are impressive, but it's not going to fix the Sharks problems defensively, and with Clowe already on the third line, who's to say it's going to help with secondary scoring. If he falters, it would ruin all memories of the dominant force Nolan once was with the Sharks. People are anointing him as this trade deadline's Bill Guerin. 'Cause that worked out.

But hey, maybe I'm crazy. I did just spend talk for 20 minutes about Indiana Jones as if he were a real person. Which he is.

Go Sharks.