With the global NHL community refreshing TSN religiously the next 36 or so hours, Fear The Fin decided now would be a great time to join the roster shakeup party.
Huge potential gameday signings follow the jump.
Steven Seagal is 2-0 on the year, and has proved he has what it takes to get wins. In order to fill out the roster for the playoff push, Fear The Fin looked to our minor league affiliate We Bleed Teal and saw some prospects we liked in the system:
Guybrush Threepwood
Although Threepwood was known for his bumbling ways, his eventual vanquishment of LeChuck proved to be the turning point in his career. We’re banking on the fact that the Sharks playoff career will mirror his own.
Columbo
One of the brilliant minds of the twentieth century, Columbo brings an ability to find answers when seemingly none exist.
Boris The Blade
Also known as “The Bullet Dodger”, Boris will get thrown against opposing teams when a big stop is necessary. You’re looking for a shutdown specialist with a penchant for getting out alive in the third? Look no further.
In addition to some calls ups, FTF has been working the phone all night for some free agents that miraculously haven’t been signed as of yet. Veteran performance will be at a premium going forward- the following people know all about getting the job done.
Gene Kranz
Due to some excellent scouting by LurkerShark, we found that Mr. Kranz was still available. Failure is not an option for this gentleman. We trust our lives in his hands.
Front runner to wear the “C.”
Jack Shepherd
How Shepherd managed to elude scouting agency’s across the nation is a mystery to FTF, but his calming presence and leadership capabilities mesh nicely with the current signings.
General George Patton
“May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won’t.”
Sold.
Marv
Some people may call him bloodthirsty, but Marv’s willingness to give his life for a woman he barely knew shows a deep level of commitment and respect. When Dwight McCarthy talks you listen. So when he describes Marv as being, “right at home on some ancient battlefield swinging an axe into somebody’s face. Or in a Roman arena, taking his sword to other gladiators like him,” it’s safe to say we found that fourth line grinder we need to close out games.
Jules
Gordon Freeman
His performance at Black Mesa and City 17 just may go down as some of the greatest work in the history of humanity. A Patrick Marleau type with no time for ra-ra speeches, Gordon leads by example. Possible candidate for the “A”.
Jake & Elwood
Although they came up short during the second thread at The Joe, something tells us that these boys won’t be signing the blues come playoff time. Will only be seeing ice time on the road.
Dorothy Gale
Another situational specialist, Dorothy’s penchant for home is unparalleled. Getting a win after a road loss is what she was born to do.
Master Splinter
Well versed in the art of Ninjutsu and paternal figure to four heroic turtles, Splinter’s calm demeanor and brutal skills are a perfect fit for the squad.
One Punch Mickey
When it comes to sealing the deal, there’s no one better in the biz than Mickey.
Darth Vader
In what is probably the most controversial tryout FTF has ever held, Vader’s inclusion on the roster is still up in the air at this point. Cons? A bloodthirsty mantra to conquer anything in his path. Pros? See previous sentence.
Indiana Jones
Although some say Indiana is over the hill, his presence down the stretch could prove to be the difference maker in a tight series. He’s seen it all, and has come out on top in just about every situation. Assistant captain candidate.
The Ace In The Hole
Only used in the most dire of circumstances.
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Deadline is at 12 Pacific on Wednesday, so if any scouts in the FTF community have a bead on some prospects, offer a picture and description in the comments. Subject to a tryout, they will be added to the squad. None of the above icons are guaranteed a spot on the team either. Steven Seagal is the only one with that honor.
Fire away.
Go Sharks.
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