Fear the FAQ – 2010-11

As with every new season, there are new Sharks fans (either new to the sport or new to the team), which leads to new Fear the Fin readers. Over the years, the users at FTF have created a close, vibrant community, including some inside jokes and communal knowledge that may not be immediately obvious to a new reader. So, instead of having the reader go through an epic journey to try and get a complete understanding of the community, here is a rather comprehensive FAQ.

Rec’d – Short for “recommended,” when you really like a post/comment. Click the “actions” link under the comment, and then “Rec.”
Make it green! – When a comment gets a certain number of recs, it turns green. When someone posts this, they want other people to rec the comment so others can also appreciate it.
Flag’d – Opposite of a rec, where a user dislikes the comment. Usually when someone posts “flag’d,” it’s used faceitiously, but you can flag a post for spam, trolling, innappropriate content, etc. Click on actions again and you will also see an option for “Flag.”

z – will go to and highlight the next comment in a thread. Will also unmark every comment that you have read/z’d through c – Same function as the z key, except it doesn’t unmark comments.
x – Unmarks the highlighted comment; the c and x keys serve the same function as the z key.
shift-a – Unmarks all the comments in the thread.

While there is a certain message board aspect to SBN, the comments use regular HTML. They also have shortcuts on the top of the comment box: the B is for bold, I is for italics, S is for strikeouts, ” is for quoting someone (known as blockquotes), the chain link is for a link, and the picture of a tree is for an image.

To post an image, go to a site like Photobucket, Imageshack, or TinyPic and upload an image there.

There are also a few auto-formatting things that SBN does that trips up everyone:
#1 – if the first character in a paragraph is a number sign, it will automatically create a numbered list
* blah – if the first character in a paragraph is an asterisk and is seperated from the next character with a space, it will automatically create a bulleted list
*word* – if a word or phrase is surrounded by asterisks with no spaces at either end (i.e. not * blah *), the word will be bolded
-word- – this will make a word or phrase have a line through it.
!URL! – put a URL (the web address) of an image between the exclamation points without any spaces, and the image will show up.
@word@ – This will put all text between the two @’s in a grey coding box, in which HTML does not work.

Be sure to press the preview button before posting a comment – because once you post, you cannot edit or delete the comment. Believe me, this has tripped up everyone at some point.

Joe Thornton – #19 – C

Jumbo Joe
Angry Joe – Occasionally, Joe Thornton gets angry. And when he gets angry, he can dominate a game like few others can. Oh, and he fights people. And wins. Angry Joe is never a bad thing.
Slappy – A ventriloquist dummy that was first featured in the first “PLAYER NAME is a lousy PROFESSION, but a great hockey player!” commercial, and has since been used in multiple other commercials.
Lousy Ventriloquist

Patrick Marleau – #12 – A (at home)

Patty
BEAST – When a player on the penalty kill is in the other team’s zone, protecting it from 3+ players from the other team all by themselves. Usually refers to Patrick Marleau.
Oh captain my captain! – Reference to Walt Whitman and/or the movie Dead Poets Society, when Patrick Marleau scores a goal. Doesn’t matter that he’s not the captain anymore.
Patrick Marleau Facts – While originating over at Battle of California, FTFers have embraced theses facts as well. They’re basically Chuck Norris facts, except awkward.
Lousy Medium

Dany Heatley – #15

Heater
He finally started scoring in game two in 2009.
For the person who will ask about his eye (don’t worry, we were all you once): his orbital bone was broken when hit by a puck when he was playing overseas during the lockout, and so his eye is now permanently dialated.
Lousy Pitcher

Devin Setoguchi – #16

Seto
Gooch – While Seto is used to talk about him normally, Gooch is reserved for when he scores a goal. Because talking about a Gooch otherwise is kind of gross.
“He’s from Western Canada, he shouldn’t do that crap” – In the playoffs against the Red Wings, Mike Babcock thought Setoguchi took a dive and called him out on that, citing his Western Canadian origins as to why he shouldn’t.
Lousy Lawyer

Joe Pavelski – #8

Pavs/Little Joe/The Big Pavelski/JoePa/Joe Money/The King
With every nickname, the legend grows.
CLUTCH! – Other players might pretend to be clutch, but no one reaches the level of Pavelski clutch. Note that this was written before he became the Big Pavelski.
Lousy Detective

Ryane Clowe – #29 – A (on the road)

His Move – Clowe has admitted to having only one shootout move – forehand, backhand, roofs it. Everyone knows that he only has one move. Yet, for some reason, it is incredibly effective. Well, against goalies who haven’t seen it yet.
Lousy Waiter

Logan Couture – #39

Juicy/Prince Logan/Teeth/Cooter/Cooch
Believe it or not, the latter is his actual nickname. Yes, I’m just as surprised as you are.
BUST – He failed to make the NHL roster in 2009/score a hat trick in every game, prompting some people to label him a bust. Other people (i.e. me) mocked those people.

Jamie McGinn – #64

Ginner
Basically flew from San Jose to Australia and back three times in the 2009-10 season.
Best player in NHL history to wear #64 [Source]

Torrey Mitchell – #17

I’m just going to leave you with this.

Scott Nichol – #21

Nichol City – referencing the San Jose arcade chain

Frazer McLaren – #68

Not Kyle – because he’s Not Kyle McLaren

Jamal Mayers – #10

Jammer/Eyebrows

Dan Boyle – #22 – A

Boyler/Hedgehog – the latter was listed on his Olympic player page
Lousy Weatherman

Douglas Murray – #3

Crankshaft – Used as a verb when he dishes out a big hit (“Avery was just Crankshafted!”).
MURRAY SMASH – written in all caps, when Douglas Murray has a huge hit on a player that makes the other player fall down. Or, when the other player tries to hit Murray and still falls down.
Douglas Murray, goal-scorer/offensive force – Douglas Murray scored a hat trick in the pre-season, after only scoring 1 goal in 210 career games.

Marc-Edouard Vlasic – #44

Pickles – Ron Wilson alledgedly gave him this nickname at his first pro camp after being drafted.
Twelve – He looks incredibly young, despite being the Sharks’ longest-tenured defenseman.
Lousy Gardener

Niclas Wallin – #7

Hamburgers

Kent Huskins – #40

Husky

Jason Demers – #60

He is not related to former Sharks prospect, Julien Demers.

Antero Niittymaki – #30

Nitty/Nittytwister/Sushi Roll

Thomas Greiss Antti Niemi – #31

Neemo

Worcester Sharks

Ferrari/Fairy-Oh – Benn Ferriero
The Red Scare/McCarthyism – John McCarthy
DaSilva Lining – Dan DaSilva
Jesus Greiss – When Thomas Greiss makes a huge save.
Meth Squirrel – Thomas Greiss, originated by GhostOfLinkGaetz and almost universally agreed on by the rest of the FTF denizens, it refers to his rather spastic playing style and tendency to pokecheck everything and anything.
Cheech/Cheechoo Train – Jonathan Cheechoo.
Monster Mash – Brandon Mashinter
Crazed Rats – The third line of McCarthy-DaSilva-Desjardins, who shut down the opposing teams’ top lines and still managed to accrue a ridiculously good plus/minus.
Sexy – Tyson Sexsmith. No, really.

Stalock Superfans – Al Stalock, a goalie prospect tearing up the AHL, was the subject of an SNL Superfans parody back when he played for UMD. Since the internet exists, we found them. They are now occasionally brought up when talking about Stalock. “Acutally, I heard Stalock is 30% grizzly bear. I also heard he’s 30% machine and 30% cheetah, 10% man, and 80% god.”
Episode I | Episode II | Episode III
Our Stalock, who art in goal, hockey be thy name;
For every shot, that is on goal, may you save them all the same.

Tommy Wingels Facts – because everyone wants to know about our favorite third grader/sixth grader.

Former Sharks (because we still love ’em)

Nabby – Evgeni Nabokov. Used more than his actual name.
Super/Vezina/Cocky Nabby – There are times when Nabokov is just on. During those times, he is the best goalie in the world – the 07-08 season was basically an extended period of Super Nabby, hence the Vezina nomination.
Manny being Manny – Manny Malhotra, used to mock Manny Ramirez (it’s fitting that when Malhotra went to Vancouver, Ramirez was waived by the Dodgers)
Staubitzed – From the legendary Staubitz vs Tootoo fight, whenever Staubitz fights someone or has a big hit. Used as a verb: “Tootoo just got Staubtized!”
Like Wall – Arturs Irbe.
The Professor – Igor Larionov
Buster – Owen Nolan
Error/Errorhoff/Iceman – Christian Ehrhoff. Only the last one is his actual nickname, for obvious reasons.
Waterboy/Boosh – Brian Boucher
JR/Styles – Jeremey Roenick
Captain Hook – Rob Blake has a tendency to take hooking/interference penalties. A lot. Probably once per game. And since he’s currently the captain was the captain at the time, what else could we call him?

Non-Shark Players

Abracadabra – Justin Abdelkader
Corey F***ing Perry – Corey Perry
Pronger Physics – Not constrained to FTF. Chris Pronger once justified himself elbowing players in the head by saying that it was “just physics.”
DumDum – Jordin Tootoo. Jeremy Roenick once called him a DumDum in an interview, and so it will remain.
MONSTER – Pierre McGuire mockery, usually referring to Mike Richards. If you don’t know who Pierre is, lucky you.
Alternate Captain Elbows – Formerly Captain Elbows, another name for Chris Pronger.
Phaneuf – It’s Canadian for douche.
Captain Rogaine – Ryan Getzlaf, since he’s bald and now captain

Broadcasters/Journalists

Randy Hahn – Sharks television play by play announcer that has been with the team since it began. Inspires a lot of “TWSS!” moments.
Drew Remenda – Sharks television color guy that was a former assistant coach. He’s the bald one. He also used to work for CBC, but then came back to the Sharks. Has a tendency to like players that Sharks fans hate.
Dan Rusanowski – Play by play for the radio, he’s never missed a game except for when he was in the car crash a few years back. Known to make an effort to get the correct pronounciation no matter what.
Jamie Baker – Radio analyst, one of the best in the league. Used to play for the Sharks; he scored the most important goal of the franchise, the Game 7 winner against the Red Wings back in ’94. Played ping pong with Nabokov once (and lost).
David Pollak – the San Jose Mercury News beat reporter. Who is completely awesome. Has a blog which is the best source of up-to-date news about the Sharks.
Kate Longworth – the former sideline reporter for the Sharks, didn’t really know anything about hockey.
Brodie Brazil – current Sharks bench reporter. Friend of the blog, and completely awesome. His favorite player is Scott Nichol. His fourth favorite player is Jamal Mayers.
Scott Reiss – Studio reporter for CSNCA.
Bret Hedican – Studio reporter for CSNCA, former Cup-winning NHL defenseman (which CSNCA brings up every single time). Also married to Kristi Yamiguchi.
Ross McKeon – Studio reporter for CSNCA, also works with Yahoo! Sports and SF Chronicle. Knows more about hockey than Scott Reiss, but not much.
Ray Fatto Ratto – SF Chronicle sports reporter that knows next to nothing about hockey. Known for his big moustache and fatness.
Mark “Our beloved Los Tiburones” Purdy – San Jose Mercury News reporter who occassionally writes about hockey, although we wish he wouldn’t. He is the voice of the Chicken Littles. He has used the phrase “Our beloved Los Tiburones” in every single one of his articles, ever. Including the ones he wrote for his high school newspaper. It really was fortunate for him that there’s now a team actually called the Sharks.
Tim Kawakami – Writes about the Sharks once per year, in the lull between the Warrior’s season and the Raider’s pre-season, usually about how much they choke in the playoffs. And even that once is too much.

Players to Boo:
Chris Pronger
Corey Perry
Brian Campbell**
Steve Ott
Brad Marchand
Ed Belfour*
Theo Fleury*
*Players are no longer playing

**We boo Campbell not because he left the Sharks, but because he took the series-ending penalty against Dallas and lied about why he left (he said it was to be closer to his family, but his paycheck says otherwise). The practice of booing him has all but died out at this point.

Frequently Taunted Goalies
Marty Turco
Jonas Hiller

The Anthem
– Right before the singer starts, someone from section 209 will yell out, “Hey [OTHER TEAM’S CITY HERE].” The rest of the arena will answer, “YOU SUCK!”
– When playing the Stars, you must boo the word “stars” within the Star Spangled Banner. It cancels out the cheers that Stars fans do for it.

The Chomp – When the Sharks go on the power play, the Jaws theme will start playing duirng which everyone holds their arms out and moves them up and down in a chomping motion.

Four in the Net, Pizza You Get – If the Sharks score four goals in a game, all the people at the game get a free Round Table personal pizza. So whenever they’ve scored three goals, the crowd usually starts chanting, “WE WANT PIZZA!”

Do not lean forward in your seat at the Tank. Since the upper level especially was built incredibly steep, if one person leans over, they’re blocking the view of lots of people behind them. If you lean forward, you will be yelled at.

At the end of last season, the Tank was voted the the toughest road arena to play in by NHL players, beating out a lot more “traditional” markets like Montreal, Chicago, Philly, and Detroit.

It’s Craptastic! – Referring to Comcast, either as a company, cable supplier, or as the Sharks’ RSN. Stems from ad campaign “It’s Comcastic!”

Personal Tanning Booth – Doug Wilson is tan. Really, really tan. He rivals the cast of Jersey Shore, he’s so tan.

Fez Trick – When a player scores two goals in regulation and a third goal in the shootout. Since it’s not a hat trick officially, it has thus been dubbed a fez trick.

GPALZ! – A typo of Plank’s that will live forever, originated from this comment. Used when the Sharks score a goal.

HTML/Burger Line/Team Canada/the Eh Team – The line of Marleau-Thornton-Heatley. HTML is used most often by members of FTF, but others are used around the internet.

Sh*t/Beauty of a sh*t – SharksFanEst.1994’s unfortunate typo, now used to replace the word “shot.”

Reverse Bandwagon – The Sharks are in the unique position of having more fans come out of the woodwork when they’re doing bad (i.e., 6 game losing streak or being eliminated from the playoffs), who all disappear when the team is doing well again. Usually, it’s the opposite that happens.

Kyle Wellwood is fat – a meme originated by Down Goes Brown, has been adopted by the internet. Because, like it says, Kyle Wellwood is fat.

Bringer of Doom Award – An award handed out by Couch Tarts’ own CTGray, it is awarded to the individual or group who brings the most doom, i.e. jinxes the Sharks.

Schnide – Once upon a time, we were worried about secondary scoring, and how nobody outside of the top line was scoring any goals for a few weeks. Well one night the secondary scoring “got off the schnide.” All of it. In what later became a drinking game, Randy and Drew kept proclaiming players off of their respective schnides throughout the game, making many people completely wasted. BONUS! The combined schnides of all the players that scored (including Regehr) was 244 games. Of course, Regehr’s was 142 alone.

Joe Thornton is a self-described “wooly mammoth guy,” which occasionally comes up. [Source]

Dancing GIFs – After a Sharks win, the posters will post various GIFs of people dancing or other amusing/celebratory acts. Not during the game, though, because that’s like mentioning a no-hitter during the game, and will likely get you a Bringer of Doom award. Also, it slows down the page.

Six GWGs – In the 2010 Sharks/Avalanche series, a Shark scored every single game winning goal, even in the games that they lost (Game 1 the puck went off of Blake’s leg, Game 3… well, we all know what happened in Game 3). We use that as evidence that the Sharks are awesome.

Deity Hierarchy
Certain players have achieved deity status.
Uber God – Patrick Marleau
God – Joe Thornton, Alex Stalock
Jesus – Dan Boyle

The Save – The Niners have The Catch, the Sharks have The Save. While the Sharks ultimately ended up losing the game, Nabokov’s save on Brad Richards in the first of four overtime periods is still regarded as one of the best all-time.

Grier’s Laws of Hockey
While Mike Grier move on, his laws of hockey stayed with us.
Grier’s First Law – Missing an empty net, especially when the goalie is pulled.
Grier’s Second Law – Shooting the puck into the goalie’s chest on a breakaway.

Reginald Dustyballs – Alter ego of Plank.

Shootthepuckunlesstheresnolanethentrytomovethepuckacrossthezone!!! – What the crowd should yell instead of just “SHOOT!” Because far too often we see a defenseman wait too long and shoot the puck into somebody’s feet, instead of shooting when we told them to.

Retired memes:
Glove of Doom – When Semenov reached up to block the puck with his hand, and caused the puck to go into net behind Nabokov.
Corn – Of the KFC chicken & corn commercials. Once sparked an epic rally against Phoenix. Setoguchi’s hometown is also Taber, Alberta – the corn capital of the world. The mojo wore off after that, and so will never be mentioned again.
Steven Seagal – Popped up around the same time corn did, also used as a rally/mojo thing. Didn’t work, and thus was forgotten.
26th pick – Sharks’s 2009 1st round pick was traded five times in less than a year. It also represented the only interesting part of watching the first round of the draft.
NHL Rule Against Shark Shutouts – During the 09-10 season, there were 138 days between shutouts, leading us to believe that the NHL enacted a rule against any Shark goalie recording a shutout. Coincidentially, the day the rule against headshots went into effect, Nabokov recorded his 50th career shutout, ending the streak. We think it might be connected in some way.
VROOM VROOM PAHTAY SHTARTAH! – Remember those Conan O’Brien Super Bowl commercials for some beer? Yeah, that. Has various spellings, but usually something close to that.
Sarah Palin Mask – This mask, posted by GhostOfLinkGaetz, led to a 10 game win streak. But when the streak ended, so did the mojo. And the tolerance of certain posters to put up with it.

Assorted Dan Boyle pictures

Slappy Videos